Been a while since I’ve posted and I received this newsletter in my email a few days back. It’s a valuable resource and it’s a timely topic. Timely because it doesn’t matter whether you’re just finding out about the affair, just admitting to an affair or dealing with a long past affair. The importance of talking about it openly and honestly never loses it’s leading role in the healing process. It will always be the single most caring and compassionate act the betraying partner can offer.
I’m still trying to understand why my spouse couldn’t rise to the occasion and address it head on. He did talk, he did share some information. But it trickled out over the course of months, first denied, then admitted but sugar coated, and then it became a point of overwhelming stress for him that he avoided and pushed back against at all cost. That cost of course was my heart and soul. Eventually he manipulated and pushed back hard enough that I stopped talking about it all together. That left me holding a bag of secrets I couldn’t open and trying to deal with what ever monsters squirmed inside. It altered our course and made it harder. And it changed me forever. It took away a portion of trust that however well we can rebuild things and move on, will always be missing. It also for the first time in our 7 years together (9 years now) allowed me to see him as having a very weak and cowardly side and that was something I hated feeling toward him but couldn’t change. It was his choice to choose this route but I still felt sad with the new knowledge that I couldn’t ignore that side as being a very real part of the man I love and heartbroken that the inner fantasy I had of love and marriage (trust and deep respect for your partner) was forever broken.
We are still together and still working on healing. We’re managing it well enough but the truth is we’ve done most of it the hard way. So, I share this article because of it’s importance in healing with hopes that it’s useful to someone and saves them a long and painful road that doesn’t have to be as long or as confusing as ours has been.