This post is a living document. A work in progress as I gather my notes and put them in order.
The following is borrowed from infidelityfacts.com
Statistically speaking, men cheat for a single primary reason: sex.
Human beings are not monogamous by nature. They don’t mate for life with the first person of the opposite sex they come across. And it’s because of this biology, it’s believed, that many men experience the natural urge to “spread their seed”.
Now to be sure, in the case of marriages or committed relationships, there is far more than just biology at work. Many men report a loss of sexual desire for their wives after children are born…or even after witnessing their wives give birth. Their wives, to them, no longer appear as sex objects, but rather maternal figures.
Another widely reported cause is the breakdown of fun or spontaneity in the relationship. For example, to men in long-term relationships sex will become routine or mechanical. Not an adventure as it once was, but simply as a means to an end. And so they seek that adventure, that adrenaline rush, with another woman (or women). Yet another cause is more biology related…the need to conquer. Think ego. It’s reported that many men will seek sex outside of a relationship simply to see if they can do it. To see if they can convince a woman they are attracted to…to sleep with them. It’s the “notch in the belt” phenomenon that while frowned upon in America, is surprisingly widely accepted in many parts of the world.
Statistically, women don’t cheat for the sake of sex. It’s of secondary concern for them. The #1 reason why they cheat is for an emotional connection. And this is particularly true of women over the age of 30.
In more than a few instances, women won’t even cheat physically. They will carry on emotional affairs…where they’ll fall in love and experience emotional intimacy with a men, while never taking it to the physical level. It’s these type of affairs that can continue on for years, without ever being detected, and often leaving a wake of destruction in their path.
Studies have found that in long-term relationships, women, whether they work outside of the house or not, often find themselves “shut out” emotionally. Over 70% of women are still the primary caregivers for their children while also being the cook and the maid…whether or not they have a full or part-time job. This leaves them precious little time for themselves to foster a woman’s natural urge to grow emotionally. An urge typically ignored by men whose primary interest is physical contact. Thus the longing for a man who can “see who they really are” begins. And in the weeks, months or even years that follow, they will usually find such a man – or think they’ve found one. An interesting point to takeaway of this female need for an “emotional bond” : affairs initiated by women generally last 3 times longer than those initiated by men
From various AP sources.
37% of men and 22% of women will cheat. (Authors note: This number is over a decade old and as you will see the percentages vary depending on what you are reading and the source.)
46-55% of women and 50-60% of men is the percentage sighted by Atwood and Shwarts in 2002, journal of couple and relationship.
From ask bob.com – researches believe that the vast millions of people visiting chat rooms, have “multiple special friends”
only 46% of men believe online affairs are cheating…..
80% say it’s ok to flirt with the opposite sex, and 75% believe it’s ok to frequent adult sites……
The from the Monogamy Myth by Peggy Vaugn: 60% of men and up to 40% of women will have at least one affair.
Washington Post, March 3, 1997 – reports affairs affect 1 out of every 2.7 couple, 10% say the affair lasts only 1 day, 10% last more than 1 day but less than a month, 50% more than 1 month but less than a year, 40% last two years or more.
Anyway you look at it, there is a lot of cheating going on and the underlying question in my mind, from where I am at the moment, is what is the use of marriage and commitment? Is it lie? Did we humans fabricate a terrible mistake in our social make up when we created the concept of marriage? What was the purpose if we as humans are incapable of fidelity? What does that say about love and our ideals of love? That they don’t exist? Are not real? Or not strong enough to overcome biological urge? Is it possible to love a multitude of people, some briefly, some longer, but none forever? To love more than one person at a time? Is that our true make up? Is that a strength we have ignored or a weakness that is destroying us one affair at a time? In many parts of the world adultery is commonly accepted in contrast to our American belief that it is morally wrong. Yet, if that is our American belief, then why are so many people being morally wrong? One question leads to the next but the bottom line at this point, is that I seem to have no understanding of love as it relates to infidelity. One seems an impossible fairytale and the other seems to be an inescapable hurt. To me, they are not suppose to coexist, and yet the very act of not yet leaving my relationship says that they do and I’m confused by that. I’m angry about that. Internally I am raging angry about that.