It wasn’t a romantic or mind blowing event,  but it also wasn’t full of triggers or expectations to perform.   My SO had a migraine so it was actually pretty dull and uneventful.   We went out for Chinese Food,  came home and exchanged small but nice gifts,  he slept on the couch with an ice pack and I went about the routine evening tasks of getting things ready for work and school the next day, reading bed time stories and doing some laundry.  With the lil’one in bed I finally settled in and read for a bit then woke my partner to go to bed.    End of day. 

    If I sound disappointed I’m not.   Romance is wonderful but romance from my partner that is clearly intended for sex is a lot of pressure during this recovery time.   I need for things to happen naturally, and to feel engaged in it,  connected to him.   “Complying” out of the desire to keep him happy always leaves me feeling conflicted inside, a little used or angry and as though we’re a million miles apart emotionally.  I’m privately relieved not to have had to experience all of that yesterday and can now look forward to a more authentic and passionate time when love and desire, not expectations, are our motivators.      

   I’m grateful for his willingness to keep things low key, the beautiful roses he sent and the sweet earrings and books.    I’m hopeful that he enjoyed my gifts comprised of some relationship books he had asked for my help with, an entrepreneurial book that I think we’ll both find interesting as we plan future endeavors, a lover’s card game and a DVD on Sacred Sex.   Bringing the spiritual element into our love making is something he has recently shown interest in.   I want to encourage that as I’m always moved and yes a little more turned on, when he reacts so intensely to losing himself to the connection of the moment.

    I hope that anyone out there in the middle of affair recovery survived Valentines day well and perhaps even found that they were able to enjoy most of it.     Here’s to another holiday “first” under our belt.   Moving ahead……

Advertisements