Where do I even start? It’s always easiest to write through personal experience but that could undoubtedly leave some women responding in a unified claim that I am “so totally full of bullshit” when they feel that what I’ve written isn’t really reflective of who they are as individuals. I’ve experienced that reaction myself when reading various posts or books and felt that the author was either over generalizing too much or writing too much from personal experience. I guess it’s worth making the disclaimer here that this insight into the mind and soul of women is based on my own experience and interactions with other women, but it would be impossible to apply all of it to every woman. I do believe that many, possibly even most women, will find themselves relating to much of it. Even if some aspects of it do not fit their personality.
The act of laying my inner workings out naked for the world to see gives me pause for how impulsive I do or don’t want to be in sharing it all. In the beginning this was me pouring my random junk into the vast empty space of the blogosphere. I didn’t have to make any sense or sensor how angry, warped, or irrational my thoughts were in the aftermath of confirming my partners’ infidelity. Or, bother to consider how someone might paint a picture of who I am through those words. Because I’m an unknown entity here there’s still a big part of me that doesn’t care if anyone is reading it or what they think about it if they do. But there’s another part of me that feels obligated to be cautious in the ways I share my opinions and beliefs. Women are remarkable beings. How ironic would it be if through my efforts to share insight into a woman, as well as reclaim my own feminine strength, I somehow tainted the glorious splendor of what we are made up of?
No panty twists please
The point is, there are no guarantees that I won’t offend a woman out there who feels I’ve misrepresented us, or confuse some man after promising that we’re really not that complicated. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I can only explore and share what I believe a woman to be about. That’s all I’ve got. With that established, let me just ask.. if I fail to write anything you can relate to, try not to get your panties in a twist. Instead, why not share your expanded thoughts with me here or just quietly move on to the next blog. Now, if you can’t do that and you’re just stuck in a place where you need to unleash a good blood pumping rant, well ok then, let me know. I might have a solution. I happen to have a list of email addresses I’d be happy to “share” with anyone who wants to go nuts on someone for no good reason. Lol Of course I’d deny ever sharing them with you and I publicly here by state that they are good people who do not deserve any such needless abuse ( Who are we kidding? OF COURSE they deserve it, but I would never admit that out loud. Shhhhhhhh) and of course I would not actually share their email addresses though it would be tempting.
That brings us to observation #1
Women can be vindictive. Petty. Unbelievably Bitchy. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Oh yeh, that one’s true!
Since we’re getting started with the negatives, I may as well admit a few more things I have come to accept about women. Women gossip (we’re not alone in this, men) Women back stab (nope, still not alone). Women will form neat tidy little groups and shut other women out of them just for the exclusive power of it. Women can be insecure. Jealous. Controlling. Nagging. Spiteful and bitter. Women can be manipulative. Women sometimes choose weakness and self pity. Some are self absorbed. Some are materialistic and pretentious. Some are players and some are just out to smash the balls of every man they meet. Some women will tell their best friends on earth they look fantastic when they really know the outfit they are wearing looks hideous. Why? Because for that night, they can feel like they are more attractive. There is no question about it. Women can be some of the most toxic people on the planet.
Personally, I’ve always preferred to go head to head with the anger, attitude, ego or arrogance of a man than to waste the energy it takes to deal with a bitchy woman with her little head waggle and her “uhuh! Noooo you didn’t” expression all up in my face. The snotty toss of the hair, hand on hip, evil eye, whispering behind her hand like a teenage brat with her mean girls posse. Men fight from the gut and rarely think about what their rage is about to say, that’s not always productive but at least it’s honest fighting. I can keep up with that, roll my sleeves up, take a deep breath and open the cage to an anger that often shocks them in my willingness to stand toe to toe. But there are some women who fight not with their hearts but in their heads with the calculated intention of inflicting as many wounds as possible and when it comes to sisterhood their motto seems to be…”sista you aint nothin to ME”.
Nothing is more irritating or exhausting to me than dealing with a bitch and the mind games she will play! And by bitch I do NOT mean a strong assertive stands by her opinions kind of women. That’s a woman you can learn to respect whether you agree with her or not.
I think everyone knows a woman who falls into the “bitchy” category. Someone you’d love to nominate as poster child for Queen Bitch of the Universe. But before you mistake my intentions here as a rant against fellow women I want to be clear that this applies to SOME women, not ALL women. Not MOST women. We may have all encountered a few women who seem to live by these traits, but most of us know a lot of really good, really amazing women who just happen to occassionally wander into bitch territory.
Further, while bitchiness may be a stereotype that is overly applied to women of all kinds, women who do nasty things as well as women who stand up for themselves, show independence, won’t negotiate on their self worth, I maintain that bitchiness is NOT an inherent trait of women. It’s not a natural part of who we are. Bitchiness is a response and it occurs for hundreds of different reasons. It occurs as a response to heartache or loneliness, it grows out of rejection or injustice. It festers up out of the stereotypes heaped on the shoulders of women and the contradiction we face in men who both love and can not resist women and simultaneously minimize and distrust women.
I believe in equality and respect for women. Equal pay, women’s rights. Etc. I’m not a radical women’s liberation kind of girl. I think many of those types actually diminish what we are as women. They fight angry battles that are ridiculous. They seem to be working to wipe out every trace of our softness which is often our strength, and this confuses the yin and yang of nature. It removes the harmony and balance we were designed for. I don’t care if Boy Scouts is a club strictly for boys. MEN NEED times and places that are strictly male, just like we females need times and space that is strictly feminine. So please don’t mistake some of the things I might say to mean that women are victims who should be at war with an unfair world and all men should pay for it. We are not.
But, that does not mean that society has not dealt us a lot of harm and failed us across the span of centuries and through out the world. We would all benefit from healing those wounds, by learning new ways to relate, by honoring the wonder and power of both male and females and our combined impact in life.
It’s easy to label someone a bitch. But the truth is that there are really very few truly mean and selfish bitches in the world, yet there are a lot of good women, decent women who started out with open hearts, who have been wounded and damaged by physical abuse, rape, social injustice, stereotypes, infidelity, mixed messages from the media, disfunctional families, and have lost touch with the power of their femininity. In doing so they have taken on bitchy behavior as a shield or a weapon, to protect their hearts.
when it comes to understanding women. There are bitches, and there are bitches.
Be careful when you label and you judge. What do you know about the woman you label a bitch? How much harm do you do when you instantly respond to the hurt or anger of your partner by discounting her as simply acting like a bitch? Ask yourself if she is truly that or if you are creating that, building that image of her in your own mind. Ask yourself if you are responding to the inconvenience of her emotions or the irritation or sense of unfairness you imagine for yourself when you have to deal with that. A bitch is selfish, a bitch is uncaring, she doesn’t have a bad day that follows many days of loving behavior, she is a bad experience every day because she does not know loving behavior. If you don’t know the difference between a woman who is a bitch and a woman who responds in a bitchy manner, learn it. And recognize that responding in a bitchy manner is most often a message to you that you are not seeing, or hearing the person inside…….
If your partner responds in a bitchy manner you have a choice. You can buck up against that or you can recognize that the message may be that you are not paying attention to the person inside. If you hear the message and respond with a kind and open heart, you come out ahead. You both come out stronger and the bitchiness comes out less and less. Fighting a bitchy response with a bitchy male response of your own, (Yes, men can be bitches too. Suprise!!), fighting with a bitchy response sends a message back. It says I don’t hear you, don’t see you, dont care what is going on inside of you. I only want you to stop inconveniencing me right now. It’s the equivalent of throwing water on a oil fire. You only serve to spread the bitchiness to ever more parts of your daily life.
Women are not naturally bitchy. Assuming it is part of what we are is a significant mistake to make….