Expanding on my list of things a woman desires in her life. Link below
If you want your womans love, respect, and devotion as well as all her feminine tenderness, nurturing and unbridled passion consider this example of making love to your wife all day rather than 15 minutes of the day…
Wake up on the weekend and have her coffee or tea ready for her when she wakes up. Say “good morning beautiful.” Ask her what she plans or would like to do that day. Share the morning paper with her. You have just started to make love to her for the first time of the day. Not the way you think of making love, the way she thinks about making love.
Later after she has showered and dressed; walk up behind her and put your arms around her from behind. Put your face in her hair and inhale deeply. Kiss her neck softly and without any ulterior motives. Whisper slightly behind her ear that she looks good or that she smells delicious.
Through out the day and evening and the following days try some of these things and different variations of similar things:
For every problem or frustration you share with her try to balance out your day or evening with some positive things, some inspiring or creative things. If you take energy out, put energy back IN. A woman thrives when inspired. She meerly survives when uninspired.
For all the time she spends listening to you, try to spend equal time listening to her.
Sometimes, ask her to tell you about her day before you unload your day. And don’t just ask “so, how was your day” and then move into your own when she says “oh, I guess it was ok.” Ask her something specific. How did that contract turn out? How is the project going? How was your doctors appointment? Did anything happen today that inspired you or frustrated you? Try truly engaging her. Let her know that you are aware of what is going on in her life, that you remember what she said a few days ago and are truly listening to her when she talks. She knows when you are interested and when you are just being polite so you can get on with talk about yourself and your day.
When you first greet her after returning home from work or a trip; take 2 minutes to simply hold her, give her a kiss, say you are glad to be home, tell her you thought about her or tell her what you thought about her. Do all this before you start talking about business, your boss, the unbelievable traffic, etc.
Touch her often. Run your hand down her arm, touch her hands, push the hair away from her eyes now and then and look into them deeply. Kiss her for the sake of kissing her. Rub her feet while you watch TV. Pat her on the butt and make an appreciative sound. Walk up behind her and rub her neck. Do all of this for the sake of being tender and showing her you are attracted to her. Show her that you like to nurture her and energize her. Not just take from her. Do NOT do it with the expectation she will flip into sex mode in the next 30 seconds just because you have started getting an erection of your own. A woman simmers before she boils. If you pour in cold water she has to re-start the entire process of heating up again. Seriously. Learn that or you might never truly experience the fullness of her heat. Making love to a woman is an all day process.
Making love to a woman is a WAY OF LIFE, not an event.
Every few days ask her where she is in her life. Emotionally or spiritually, not literally. What’s been on her mind lately? What’s inspired her lately? What things has she worried about lately? It’s possible she has been so focused on being there completely for you, that you haven’t really made any effort to be there for her. There is something sadly wrong in that equation. If you want her heart and soul and full body surrender, then learn to let her trust you, share with you and lean on you from time to time. Take her to dinner or for a long drive and just talk and connect. Talk about real things not just small talk and idle chatter. Listen to her heart, fall in love with her mind, hear her dreams and her fears, learn how she thinks and what she feels. What makes her tick, makes her sore, makes her boil, makes her swoon….
The sexiest thing a man can do is live the desire to know, fully know, his woman. We love that from a man! It tells us that we are as valuable to you as you are to us.
Send her text messages or emails. If you rarely say I love you. SAY IT. If you say it often, understand that it can lose it’s impact and feel cliché. Try other ways of saying it. Like….” I love the way your hair looked flowing out over the pillow when I left for work today. I’ve been thinking about you all morning sexy girl”
If you normally set back and wait for dinner to be cooked for you,or hover while she cooks, or walk in just in time for dinner to be served and then serve yourself first, try a different approach. She loves you and loves to be of service to you but she doesn’t enjoy feeling like your maid, butler, coach, psychiatrist and mother 24/7. She fell in love with you in hopes of a shared partnership between two equals. Don’t make her feel like your servant. Stand hip to hip with her and help prepare dinner. Don’t wait for her to ask you for help. Most times she won’t. Once or twice a week, offer to cook for her or take her out or bring home supper.
Lock the doors at night instead of stumbling off to bed and leaving it to her, open doors for her now and then, put your hand in the small of her back and help navigate through a crowd. Make her feel protected. We can take care of ourselves. But that doesn’t stop us from enjoying the very sexy feeling of being protected.
Help her with the kids. If you have children together they are your kids too. She’s not the nanny, she’s your wife and your partner in parenting.
Take care of yourself. I am not just talking about grooming habits or dressing well now and then. Take care of your health. She is not your mother or your nurse and life has enough unknowns and risks without worrying about what you are doing to your health or what it will do to you financially or otherwise. Those things may come up in life and she will deal with them and be there for you. But seeing you take care of yourself helps give her a little sense of security that the odds of a crisis might at least be a bit smaller or will come a bit later in life. If you are ticking time bomb she is feeling it and worrying about it. Maybe you should too.
While you are taking care of yourself don’t forget how much she nurtures you as well. Offer to give her a full body massage or to take a hot shower so you can soap her up slowly and wash her hair and….hard as it may be (pun intended) don’t pursue sex every time. It reduces her trust in you. Makes her feel like a sex outlet instead of a woman you are trying to nurture and appreciate. At least 50% of the time, do it just for the shared time and shared affection and to let her feel worshipped once in a while. If she wants it to lead to something else she will definitely let you know and the upside is that the less you turn it into sex, the more often she will desire the sexual aspects of it. I don’t think this make sense to a lot of men. It’s counter intuitive for them but it’s how a woman works. Making love begins in the mind for us. We express it and act on it when we are in a sensual mindset. When there is just enough heat to keep us simmering day after day it is easier to reach boiling point faster and more often. If there was one thing I wish I could make all men understand it would be the constant slow burning necessity of sensuality, in a woman’s life. OMG, the wild sex animals they might find in us if they could only learn the true art of sensuality!!!
Change things up. Just because your woman screamed with pleasure when you did such and such thing last week doesn’t mean that is going to ignite her passion every single time after that. By nature we love the unexpected, we crave mystery, we savour the dance, the hint of what is to come, the fluctuations between slow and intense and fierce and strong and wild. We just are not wired for a straight line between start and stop. We are wired for highs and lows, push and pull, soft and hard, hot and cool. We understand that this can be frustrating for men. But maybe it’s only frustrating when a man views it as a task or as rules he has to learn rather than the art of loving he could learn. That’s why we swoon for the character in a movie who turns loving a woman into an art form. We don’t want to feel like the chore you can’t seem to learn, we want to be the exotic land you wake up ready to explore each day. We want to be the fire you are happy to breathe oxygen into. One day we want you to slowly explore our curves and watch intently to see and feel our reactions while you talk softly and sweetly to us, the next time we want to be pinned up against the wall, your breath coming rough and ragged in our ears. We want to hear you growl and feel your muscles arched against us. Where one time we loved feeling worshipped and pampered the next we love feeling ravished and irresistible.
And….we want all these variations to grow from a place of connectedness. From sharing a life of mutual respect, from being worshipped and appreciated in all the same ways we try to do for you. We want it to come from our equals, our partners, our own personal heroes, our most trusted friend. We want it to grow from a constant state of warm simmering and boil up like a volcano ready to explode.
No, I’m sorry, there is no straight path to our passion…… there is only the winding, curving path of sensual, mutually giving, living and loving. If you give us less than that, no matter how much we may love you, we are not able to give you all of our fullest selves in return. If you don’t think you get enough love or that your wife gets into it enough then I can almost guarantee you that you’re not energizing OR inspiring her. You haven’t learned how to keep her simmering and instead you’re expecting her to get hot anytime you want to flip the switch on. She’ll try to work with that method as long as she can but eventually she’s going to mourn for what she is missing and the sensual parts of herself she has lost in order to be with you and when that happens she will close her spirit to you. She’ll try to continue to be a good wife in every way she knows how but sexually she will remain disconnected from you. Lost at sea.
It’s worth it to try to find her, reach her, ignite her soul again. Just be aware it may take time and one hell of a lot of sincerity on your part. If you have cheated on her, it will take even more time. You will have to want it and work at at it. Half -assed promises and efforts will not bring her back to you.
If this sounds like a lot of effort and energy consider this; all of the energy she expends every day bringing her own share of the family income home, or making your house a home, taking care of the kids, listening to your problems and frustrations, encouraging you and supporting your career or your schooling or your hobbies, entertaining your family and friends, putting together parties, anniversaries, holidays, buying you gifts, making your meals, rubbing your aching shoulders, playing nurse when you are sick, being your sounding board, juggling your family budget, giving her body and all of her sacred places over to you for your pleasure. She needs nurtured. She needs someone to infuse some of that same kind of energy back into her so she has more to keep giving. To value her enough to do so. If your woman does not feel like a goddess in your eyes and under your touch….you will never see or feel the goddess that lives within her.